EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH G0D

by Rick_Slick

When Geea asked me to write for The Voice of There, I was flattered!  But more importantly, what was in it for me?  Fame?  Fortune?  Food stamps?  A severe beating at the hands of the loyal readers?  Dismissing my question, she gave me my first assignment: conduct an interview with G0D, high atop her cloudy perch in Saja.  I promised her that I would give it my very best 42% effort and away I went...

After encountering some initial difficulties with a hoverboat, gravity, and my general lack of fine motor skills, I was able to hop out of my hoverboat near G0D just before it glanced off the cloud and plummeted to fiery destruction below.  Fairly certain I could write that off as an expense to the newspaper, I looked over my list of interview questions and proceeded to introduce myself.

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  Hello, G0D... my name is Rick_Slick, and I'm a staff writer for The Voice of There here to interview you for our publication.  Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

G0D: ...

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  Excellent.  Let's start by talking a little bit about yourself and some of your experiences in There.  How did you find There and how did you get appointed for the role of G0D?

G0D: ...

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  Hello, are you there?

G0D: ...

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  Perhaps you weren't comfortable answering those questions in a published interview.  I'm sorry, I'm just real nervous, this being my first article for a major There publication and all.  Can you help me out a little and give me a few tidbits about the typical day in the life of G0D?  Are you pretty good at Spades, since you, like, know everything and all?

G0D: ...

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  ... anything at all?  C'mon.

G0D: ...

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  Okay... they say power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.  By being a deity in There, do you have any sort of special powers or privileges?  Is it tempting to abuse them from time to time?  I know that you started a group that recognized Gaultier, which I thought was very sweet of you to honor him like that.  What sort of events did you run with that group?  Are there any more groups that you're planning to lead in the future?

G0D: ...

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  You're kinda creepy, all standing there not talking and whatnot.

G0D: ...

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  So what are your thoughts and feelings on the decision of the leadership of There to discontinue media presence at the MAB meetings?  Do you bless this decision or is a plague of locusts more fitting?  You don't know about the smutty collection of JPEGs I have on my hard drive, do you? 

G0D: ...

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  Did you see the Miracle Pictures movie "Killboat"?  Or "Broc Lee: Man of Tomorrow"?  What did you think of my awesome acting?   I'm pretty frickin' cool, don't you think?

G0D: ...

At this point, I didn't seem to be getting anywhere.  Some other people had gathered around to witness my stellar attempts at an interview, and one of them started to address me.

Johnny_Galatea:  Rick...

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  Yes?

Johnny_Galatea:  Your girlfriend's cool.

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  Why, thank you!  Isn't she lucky to have me?

Johnny_Galatea:  I met her earlier today.  We were talking about video games.

Rick_Slick, the Greatest Interviewer Ever:  Oh, sh*%!!!  She just fell!

Unfortunately, by this time, Johnny_Galatea, V000, and the dashingly handsome me had formed a chat group.   Behind us, as we were all busily stroking my ego, the chat group forced G0D to move and she subsequently fell off the cloud.  So I had to jump down right quick and beg for my life because I'm not very partial to getting my butt smited (smote?) by lightning bolts.  

I was amazed to see that she could also stand on top of the water... but I quickly became disenchanted after I looked down and noticed I was also standing on top of the water, as well as the two newbies who ran past me later.  I guess that's not really such a divine power if the water is a solid surface, huh?  

For now, I think I'll brush up on my interviewing skills for the next time Geea entrusts me with an important article!