Got a question? Something eatin’ at yer scurvy heart? Got a hitch in yer giddyup? Send yer silly, yer serious or just plain stupid questions and we will send a response lickety split! Email: Julia@therevoice.com responses will be posted in the There Voice.

 

Dear Pirate,

 

My girlfriend in There dumped me, now I don’t want to come in anymore.  I do miss my friends but it hurts when I see her.  What should I do?

 

Dumped

 

Dear Dumped,

 

Being abandoned is just not an easy thing to experience. It’s unfortunate but it happens. Sometimes relationships last longer than they should. When one or the other decides its time to move on we’re forced in a new direction no one asked us if we wanted to go. Keep in mind that she left for a reason, one that is not necessarily negative. Why she chose to end the relationship is arbitrary.  More importantly the answer she offers when asked may hurt you more in the long run, so refrain from asking her the proverbial why question.  My advice to you is this; If possible change the shape of the relationship to one equally as pleasant.  You may find she can become a great friend. If that’s not an option, treat her with dignity and respect when she’s in your presence. If you find your heart hurting when you see her, politely excuse yourself until you have mastered your emotions so you don’t embarrass yourself or the others who are unwittingly part of the separation process between you both.  As the well known cliché’ points out, in time this to shall pass.  I personally believe when someone moves out of our lives they make room for the perfect match to move in.  You now have the opportunity to meet all the beautiful gals in There who have their hands up saying, “Hey, here I am! Choose me!”  Good luck in your search for the perfect girl.

 

Dear Pirate,

 

I live in a neighborhood and want to move.  The owner is a very nice person, but the neighborhood is not the right place for me.  I have hinted to the owner that I’m thinking about looking for a new place but feel bad because the owner made it clear that {he/she}<editor added> needs the residents.  I feel guilty for leaving but I’m not happy. What should I do?

 

Thank you,

 

Guilty

 

Dear Guilty,

 

This type of situation is ever present in There.  The available residential neighborhood options are expansive.  First off we should remember that There is designed to ignite our curiosity fueling our natural desire to explore new worlds, much like Star Trek! “There” is a living breathing entity that changes daily.  It would be a disservice to ourselves if we didn’t branch out and experience all the diversity offered to us.  Neighborhoods fall into the same category, ever changing, new ones popping up all the time. Unfortunately, there are more neighborhoods than residents to fill them.  Though I do understand your guilt for leaving a neighborhood when you very much like the owner, I feel that it is a misplaced guilt. In my opinion it’s the neighborhood owner’s responsibility to alleviate the feeling of guilt by wishing you well on your journey of exploration and welcome you back should you decide to return to his/her neighborhood.  It does not bode well for a neighborhood owner to hold residents hostage through guilt and/or any form of manipulation.  Thank the neighborhood owner for your stay in his/her neighborhood by sending an email or speak to them personally if your feel comfortable doing so.  I would advise most definitely informing the neighborhood owner in some fashion of your departure, it’s the decent and courteous thing to do. Then by all means, move on to the next place that brings you happiness in There.  

 

Dear Pirate,

 

I have a really big butt! What can I do about it?

 

Packin

 

Dear Packin,

Baby got some back eh?  My question is; do you dislike your big butt and wish to do something about it? If so, the secret to a tight butt is to eat less and move more. If your big butt is offensive to others, I would suggest finding new friends after telling them to kiss the junk in your trunk. We all go through phases of weight gain in our lives, its nature’s way of telling us we ate too many Twinkies.  However in all seriousness, I would advise dressing appropriately for the size of your posterior, there is nothing worse than a full figured woman wearing her little sisters shorts! Eeekkk! As far as I’m concerned society has placed too much emphasis on our arses and not enough on our internal beauty.  Perhaps the fat bottomed gals should revolutionize against skinny arse women presenting the argument that many historical artists valued the bountiful bottomed beauty’s immortalizing them in sculpture and paint. 

A beautiful thought from a renaissance writer: The doors of the soul seem to be the eyes and the ears, for though these many things are carried into the soul, and the desires of the soul and its nature clearly shine out through the eyes. A lover spends most of his time looking at the face of the loved one and listening to her voice. Rarely does his mind withdraw into itself.  Ficinco 1468

On the lighter side: You know Packin, I don't know why you're so concerned about your figure, you know, back in the Renaissance time full figure women were revered.
That's true.

Yeah, yeah, artists would only paint big, voluptuous women. In fact that's how they got rid of a lot of their old paint.