Ramblings of a Betty Ford Tiki Graduate
(No Pictures, Please)

by JoeyG

 

I have heard it said, oft or not, that brevity is the soul of wit. Was it Shakespeare who said it? I know that I‘ve read it. Brevity? Will, I dread it! For me, levity and a thought’s longevity are one and the same. Verbosity is no atrocity and should cause no animosity.

 

Geez, I know you are now saying, "What is he babbling on about?" Well, you try spending nearly ten months cooped up in Betty Ford Tiki and not act like you have been continuously bounced on your head! All I have to show for my ten month incarceration is thousands of woven baskets. I simply do not have that many friends for gift gifting of that magnitude! Besides, I know the invitations would become far and few between once a friend knew that all they would get from me is a wasted worthless woven work of woebegone art (I simply adore alliteration).

 

It’s hard to find a cure for what ails you through Betty Ford Tiki therapy when you spend all your days with one eye shut to the blinding light of Caldera trying to cope with the massive hangover carried over from the previous night’s debauchery inhaling Meret’s Marvelous Tequila Brew smuggled in by Betty’s own elite, hand picked Praetorian Guards (I might add that hand picked is an understatement when it come to describing Betty and her guard; shal we just say that Betty is better when she has her guard down, ahem). Frankly, it’s hard to tell who’s the bigger ruin,. Betty’s inmates or Tuma. Just shoot me with a paint gun!

 

And trying to attain sympathy from Betty’s own Chief of Psychiatry, the renowned Dr. Anastasia Beaverhausen, is no small feat (actually, having small feet might help…the doctor does have quite the shoe fetish). In any case, it is best to limit one’s complaints to monosyllables so as not to ignite the good doctor’s inimitable rapier verbal thrusts. One accidental admission of angst and your therapy could be set back to: on your mark, get set…GO!

 

So, as you can plainly see, now that I am a graduate of Betty Ford Tiki and my fingers are no longer numbed by the outrageously cruel, sharp strands of wicked wicker , it just may be impossible for me to hold back my preferred propensity for words, words, words!

 

Well, I saw the blinding, bright light of Caldera once again as a free Thereian no more than a week ago. My true and steadfast friends were there to help and guide me through all the many changes that have transpired since my heinous incarceration.  I flipped the fickle finger at old Betty and skipped  gaily off (yup, I said gaily). Happily, ZachC was nearby waiting in his batty new BatMobile to whisk me off into the Thereian wonderland when my skipping became too exhausting. (Z-Man did you think I would forget?)

 

What a true wonderland it all remains,too!

 

Now is the time to take stock in There. Oh, too late! Well, if I am too late for ThereStock I am not too late to take PRIDE in There. Next time out I think I will devote my new found VOICE to letting you all know just how we are taking PRIDE in There in this year 2005 ABF (that‘s After Black Friday).

 

MAY THE PAZ BE WITH YOU!