MAY I HAVE SOME WHINE WITH THAT CHEESE?

By JoeyG

Silence may be golden but in my case it has reached platinum proportions. I thought once I returned stateside my life would be calmer and my imminent return to all things There would be a snap. I came home to Thanksgiving and more family duties. As always, I have been able to keep in touch with all things There thanks to the magnificent reportage of The Voice of There. What would I do without Santa Geea’s incredible publication and her peerless staff of delightful snoopers and commentators? I would go starkers for one thing! That preferred suite at Betty Ford Tiki would at last become my permanent There residence upon my final return. Sometimes I wish I could fall into the trap of thinking I was Napoleon so I could use Caldera as my personal Elba (although, I am far from general material...switching Emperor to Empress might make that insanity more palatable…I could be called Josephine). For now I suffer exile in reverse! The real world is my prison but all I need is some kind Thereian to send me some fresh baked bread with a hidden, convenient saw baked with in (maybe a blowtorch too). It’s truly time to stage a fabulous escape back to the healing fantasy of the great There Archipelago. Help!

Here are some idle thoughts that have been swimming in my head as I try to sort out all things Real World and get my cute booty (thanks, in great part to Ciao Bella jeans) back in gear and firmly planted on the archipelago.

The Village Marketplace In my brief return to There, thanks to Geea and ZachC (my dearest There mentors and friends), I was able to sneak a peak at some of the new (and old) wonders that have been entertaining Thereians in my absence. I was completely impressed, nay, astounded, with the amazing Village Marketplace. I had seen these shops unfinished at summer’s start. I could never have imagined that the creative genius of CarCus would be so complemented by his fellow designers as they came together to create a shopping milieu that would put Madison Avenue, Rodeo Drive, Knightsbridge et al. to shame. I just loved slowly window-shopping with my friends  (slowly is the key word as I lagged miserably…the result of being so long absent and dragging an albatross of bloated inventory…I wish There had a used clothing and object drop off!!! It’s no fun feeling like Marley’s ghost dragging all that aged paraphernalia about as if I was chained to an ever-possessing inventory…Oops, getting a bit too overly literate here).

The Village Marketplace is definitely a danger zone for me. As usual, I wanted everything I saw. Happily, Geea dressed me anew in some of her manly togs (manly? Geea, you really went out on a limb!). I will tell you that Ciao Bella, Geea’s clothing company, has the best, classic designs for men and all of her beautiful clothing, for both men and women, are timeless creations (and I am not saying this because she is my dearest friend…I have always loved everything Ciao Bella). One other thought: it is amazing (but far from surprising) how Geea has grown as a Thereian entrepreneur.  She is now easily a Thereian Martha Stewart (without the required jail time…although, I am certain she would look absolutely smashing in stripes…or a poncho). She has taken the roles of designer of home and clothing fashions, media mogul and Thereian states-person and benefactor with great ease and appealing aplomb. Geea is truly a renaissance woman!

Santa’s Workshop: Geea took me to see the meritorious Meret’s Christmas miracle! I had missed it in all its glory last year. I shall not soon forget it now. What an achievement! I am so happy that There has come to recognize the great work of our in-world designers. Now Santa will be available for all to see in his snowy paradise whenever they want to put on their snowshoes and brave this beautiful, winter wonderland.

I had to leave at this point so my tour came to an abrupt end. The next stop would have been Meret’s Fairyland (a most appropriate place for me, I think). I am just going to have to get my wings out of storage and then beg Geea to take me there.

Rick_Slick  Blue Nose Files - Mission: Slightly Difficult: Rick is truly a many talented man, award winning clothing designer, raconteur extraordinaire (just read his wonderfully quirky and funny column here in The Voice) and now the George Lucas of There tout bout! I was thrilled to see Rose-Blossom’s column extolling the brilliant virtues of Rick’s much anticipated full-length feature film, Mission Slightly Difficult. This collaborative effort with Miracle Pictures and Francis 7 (easily There’s Spielberg to Rick’s Lucas) is high on my must see list! Talk about Dreamworks!

Better Zones and Gardens and Cat Walk: Fallan’s great eye for home design and Whitney_J’s inspiring fashion reportage always makes me feel what whatever I write is absolutely redundant. These two have the whole Therescape covered brilliantly. It is so easy to understand how a Thereian in exile can still feel a part of all things There with the great eye that these and The Voice’s other amazingly talented staff of writers bring to There’s premier publication.

Let me not forget to once again extol the limitless virtues of yet another There publication: Vash’s There Fun Times. This inimitable E Paper is another source of great pleasure. Of course, I was frightened beyond reason when I read that there will be a Hoverboard tour of Nada. Vain, silly, brave, foolish Thereians do you not know the hidden horrors that await you on There’s most mysterious and unstable of islands? OMG! Just do a little research and discover the pain and misery that our beloved Goddess’ home can produce. I weep for you! Well, okay, maybe if you stay on your boards and do not try to touch infirm terra firma you will be safe. Just remember to bring sacrifices to the Goddess Nada if you plan on touching down on her unholy soil (sorta like bringing a bunch of roses when paying a visit, ya know).

Track and Terrain by ZachC: It’s so good to see that the master of all things vehicular (homicide, in my case) is at it again. Zach is truly the great Buggy master (lord, knows he has made me buggy on more than a few occasions). I can’t wait to see his take on all the new and exciting vehicles made to make the Therescape more and more fun. Oh, maybe you, uh, Zach could give me some lessons on parking my some 200 buggies and flying objects (do you really feel safe if I drive them?). It’s up to you, hopefully, to make certain the landscape is safe for all Thereians once I put my hands on the wheel again. Come on Zach, you do always get such a good laugh when you see me in a buggy!

Speaking of my collector’s passions for buggies I was so excited to see one of my pet peeves looming large on the horizon as a reality, namely: Locks on personal transports: yes, I was so excited when I read that we would be able to lock and secure our personal vehicles in-world so that they would be safe from theft. Now ZachC tells me that only newer There manufactured vehicles can be locked, not those created by our amazingly talented designers. What piffle! What about my glorious collection of LTD Editions that I long to leave out for all to see? No, parking my Hoverboats, Buggies and Bacios will only make them fickle fodder for the There sticky fingered mob. Poo! No MERDE (I just can’t translate that to its Anglo-Saxon perfection)! Come on There; you’ve taken the first step, now go all the way! Make ALL our vehicles safe from harm’s way!

Now for something far more pleasant! I love to read whatever the great There explorer, our very own There Magellan, Archie has to say. You may be wondering what the title of this column means. In truth, I often wonder what anything I say means! Well, good old Archie inspired me with his announcement of the Cheesy Poems competition.

Okay, this one is for Archie:

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In my most breezy, not to forget, cheesy way,

I want to express my continued duress as away I stay

For far too long (yes, I know it’s wrong).

My exile, so daunting, There thoughts haunting and ablaze

I do count the days and long to find ways

To make, at last, this exile my past.

I yearn to return to all things There-a.

To my Cliff House on Caldera;

To Nada, and Noo Noo and Nell.

Oh Nada, yes, please cast your spell.

For Betty Ford Tiki, I do so shriek-y.

The comfort of Betty, where my bed I could wetty.

I could be stinky and no one would blinky.

Weaving a basket, my task it would be.

Showing friends my crafts to see

A Nifty gifty, yes, presents for giving.

So chic-y, the product of Tiki living.

.

Hear me oh, Gods of Nene,

Look I am wearing my There beanie!

I know it’s absurd

But send me the word

And I will hop a clipper (not forgetting to zip my zipper)

And fly, high and swiftly back

To spend glorious days with Geea and Zack

Oh now you see I am much more a whiner than talented designer.

Words are my passion, indeed, my fashion.

My wordity may smack of absurdity,

My mind may wander as I ponder;

Yes, I do write what I please.

Now may I have that whine with my cheese?

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Okay, I will never get the Nobel Prize for literature, that much is certain! But, it was fun to be so typically absurd once again.

MAY THE PAZ BE WITH YOU