Archie Explores

Gnomenator Part IV The Final Hour

 By Archie

Denver Bluecap’s apparition had appeared in the crystal tower, and mysteriously Grimble could communicate with him.

“I told ya the message in the scroll was a fake, Mr. Archie!” Grimble said. “The real Bluecap just said so!”

 

“That’s what I thought, too, …remember?”

 

“Well, Mr. Archie, the point being what it is, is that the evil robots took the bait, and for what it’s worth. Well, they really, really want more of those cheeseburgers, except I think we’re all pretty much “cheeseburgers” to them T800 thingies.” 

“So what else did Denver Bluecap tell you, Grim?” 

“He said they’ll be marching out of the factory any time now, and we better do something fast!” Grimble had that look in his eye that could really tick me off sometimes. It was like he knew something he either couldn’t say or didn’t know where to start in order to explain it. 

“Mr. Archie, I know what you’re thinking, and I’d tell ya iffin I could, but it wouldn’t do us any favors at the moment, I’m savin it for when it’s just the right moment.” 

“So, did Denver Bluecap give you a secret weapon or something?” I couldn’t resist asking. 

“Mr. Archie?” He answered me with another question. 

“Yes?” 

“Would ya kindly shut up for a darn minute?” 

I had to put my hand in front of my mouth to keep from cracking up laughing. I don’t know why I was getting so giddy. Probably cause of all the tension of a looming invasion of cute little teddy bear Gnome hunters from the future. It all seemed so preposterous.   

Sure enough, a rumbling sound was coming from the Templar Room at the great tower of Tyr. The rumble was the marching of metallic creatures. The surprise was when the big one came out. We were hiding at the upper canyon road and could see everything.  

“Grimble, if you know something you better spill the beans, in case something happens to one of us!”

 

“Spill the beans Mr. Archie? I never spill beans.” Grimble looked at me like I was from Mars. “Do you know about beans Mr. Archie? I know over 100 varieties of beans and the peculiarities of caring, growing, and cooking each kind. I know how to make more than 600 kinds of bean soups, stews, entrees, and desserts. I can make an entire meal out of various beans and when you tried ‘em, you’d think you’d gone to heaven and found the best restaurant in town.” 

“Grimble, spill the beans is just an expression.” 

“You aviaters are a strange lot.” He had that smartass look in his eye again. 

*sigh*  

Grimble signaled over, closer, lean down, I could barely hear him. Closer. He whispered a secret in my ear. 

“What?!?” I jumped up. “What the heck is that you’re telling me?” 

“Quiet! Mr. Archie! Think about it, don’t forget how it goes”

 

Grimble whispered something so softly in my ear that I couldn’t really understand what in There he was saying. I wasn’t sure I got the message at all. I thought he was singing some dumb little song or something, but I just wasn’t sure at all what I heard. 

“Denver Bluecap told me but it only works once, but it’ll de-program the big fella and in turn bring down the lot of ‘em.” “Don’t forget!” 

“Grimble, you gotta be making this up” I was finally starting to get worried.

 

Sure enough, leagues of T800’s were piling out of the Templar in droves. 

“What? Are they going to march right out and move across the vast oceans of There to all the islands and to search and destroy every gnome they can find? That’s what it looked like, and though I don’t who or what is behind this plot, it has to stop right here.

 

…And then the “Big Guy” came out. The Overseer of the evil Teddy Bears, he was a huge giant, sleek metallic robot with massive weapon arms. Even these bears looked bigger, too.

 

Grimble asked me something I thought I’d never hear.

 

“Mr. Archie, you gotta get me into your flyin’ boat and get us up near that things head.”

 

“But Grim,” I said, “you hate being in the avie vehicles.”

 

“That’s true enough Mr. Archie, but this time there’s no choice, ifin I’m gonna save my kind from these mechanical monsters”

 

I hauled out my hover boat and began thinking how to fly behind the sightlines until I could sneak up behind the giant robot from behind the tower.

 

We were doing quite well at first, but then that T800 guard up in tower spotted us. Then it seemed everyone knew.

 

We were almost defenseless against the assault of the T800’s blaster arms and we thought the Overseer was going to turn and blow us out the valley. But I think we were simply to close for that metallic giant to get in a clean shot.

 

 

“Mr. Archie!” Grimble was shouting over the sound of hoverboat engines and whizzing blasts of fire coming from below. “Now Mr. Archie, the secret! THE SECRET! USE IT!”

 

Whoa! We were hit by a pounding blast of something. We almost fell out of the hoverboat.

 

“What secret?” I was yelling back

 

“Mr. Archie, I told you! Get in closer, keep trying, and use it when you get right up by the big robot’s head!” Grimble was virtually freaking out. We swung around and landed right on his huge white metal shoulder. Wow! What a landing!

 

I was desperately searching my memory for that thing Grim had so softly, barely audibly told me earlier. I wasn’t sure if I had it right at all. It seemed to me like it was something as stupid as the “Teddy Bear’s Picnic” (Words by Jimmy Kennedy and music by John W. Bratton  … that Teddy Bear’s Picnics song.) (For cying out loud!)

 

I got as close to where thought his ear must be and I began to sing what I thought was the right song.

“Don’t go into to the woods tonight or
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go down to the woods tonight
You'd better go in disguise.”

“…Grimble, are you kidding? This is so stupid, I ca-”

“SING IT RIGHT,  MR. ARCHIE, SING  LOUDER! HE CAN”T HEAR YOU!… LIKE THIS!!”

“If you go down to the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go down to the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.”

 “For ev'ry bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic!.”

Grimble was loudly singing along with me in his weird piercing little voice. A truly odd moment indeed, but no less strange than many other occurrences in recent memory.

The Overseer raised both arms and began screeching a horrible high grinding peal of agonized, ripping, metallic screeches. Grimble I and had to cover our ears, The Hoverboat lurched and lunged wildly, we hopped in a got the heck out of there.

Suddenly the blasts stopped, the noise stopped. The T800 were leaping and falling off the edges and dropping down to the watery depths below the Tyr Tower. Finally the giant Overseer robot tipped over fell to his knees. He keeled over in a huge flaming, crashing slow-motion tumble down to meet his doom as a wreckage pile in the wet darkness below. The ground shook. Grimble and I were stunned by the sight of it.

“Thanks to Ol’ Denver Bluecap, we certainly made an impression on that thing. Ah ha! …Mr. Archie, … lets go home.”

Grimble had a certain direct way with words.~

As far as I know, that was last time we ever encountered any hostility from those darn little bears. I’ve seen a couple of them since, but they just sit and never move, just like a normal Teddy Bear.

That’s a relief. We started home. By rowboat. It took a week.

“So, Grimble, how about some of that bean soup when get back?”

“Mr. Archie, my bean soup is for gnomes,” He gave me that look of disbelief again. “…I’ll never understand you aviators.”

“That’s “avatars” Grimble.” He never gets that one right.

“Whatever, Mr. Archie, …whatever.”

At last we were back to the peaceful, normal world again. Grimble never spoke much about it since, but I could tell he is a lot happier these days. The garden is looking much better lately. However, one time he did mentioned the “Big Tree” where the true spirit of of all the gnomes came from. Denver Bluecap’s home. You can feel his presence there when you visit Maidenflight.

Best travels,

Archie