Archie Explores

City of Lagoland

 

 

After arriving at the Lagoland Municipal Airport, I booked a room and the Theriotte Hotel. Although the only thing available was a conference hall, it seemed nice and spacious. That was fine. Sorry to say the service was, well, a little weak, I think I showed up in the “off” season, I only saw one other person in the hotel, who was riding a hoverboard, and then boosted away with a shoosh!

 

I couldn’t just sit in the hotel room.

 

I got out and went down the street and there was nice little park, benches, and a fountain – very nice. Some people were out walking their dogs. Nice people, too.

 

It didn’t take very long however to realize, something was, … let’s say, unusual about this place. I began to notice buggy drivers crashing and bashing around recklessly. Where’s the police? How can they just  “go nuts” so freely without any repercussions?

 

This place has a kind of “Twilight Zone” feel.

 

Not that I mind, I kind of like the breezy, open aspects of this unusual place in New Kansas. Soon, I found a nice Italian restaurant and stopped in for a bite. I took some more tours around town. I decided to grab a soda at burger place, and noticed the Theatre across the street. Yes I visited, and there was some real movie history right here in downtown Lagoland. You see the “boss man” of this place is said to have connections with the film industry, however, that is another topic altogether.

 

Anyhoo- 

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, his secretary finally let me in to see the “LagolandSlumLord” which I couldn’t bring myself to address him as that, (as in “Yessir, Mister SlumLord, sir”) Well, I asked questions, and here’s what I got - 

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Archie: As “mayor” of this fine city, which is perhaps the largest metropolitan area in all of There, many of us (exploring minds) are wondering – well, the plumbing, um…none of it’s working, so…um… well, will the water pipes be repaired any time soon? ,

 

LagolandSlumLord: Water pipes? What water pipes? Sounds like a There bug to me. Perhaps the MAB can help you out or something. 

Archie: I noticed a lot wild buggy drivers in town. Will the Lagoland Police Dept ever appoint a Chief of Police and monitor the traffic situation?  

LagolandSlumLord: Police Department? What police department? I far prefer Lagoland to be a lawless state! It makes it easier for me to rake in the rent money if the residents live in a constant state of fear! Moo ha ha! I mean… I will have check with my city planners and get back to you on that one. 

Archie: I notice with all the great venues, halls and theater, too, will there be a "Miss or Mister Lagoland" contest on the horizon any time soon?  

LagolandSlumLord: A beauty pageant? Oh I can see lots of money in that sort of activity. However the next big event is the upcoming Miracle Pictures movie premier at the theater.    

He’s a busy man. 

He cheerfully asked me if I would like a cigar, and with expert timing, told me to go down to the corner drugstore buy myself one. “Now beat it, kid!”

 

Yeah, sure, sure, I can take a hint.

His secretary kept giving me the “look”, like I was interrupting something.

 

I quickly got the heck outta there. 

I did say on my way out, that I’m NOT from the tabloids. I doubt if they believed me, though. Oh well. Still, it’s a pretty nice town. 

So I went cruising, and you know me, exploring, I can’t seem to stop exploring.  

Then I spotted the Lagoland High School, “Home of the Blockheads”.  It was clearly was near ‘prom’ season here. Perhaps that explains all the wild buggy drivers in town when I was there. I stopped in to see how they decked-out the gymnasium for the dance. Looks like they left the disco lights running.

 

Was it the lights, or the memories of being in high school? I felt a little barfy, but maybe it was the simply my visit to the burger joint.

 

It was easy to find the emergency room in town, but all I really needed was dose of Pepgo-Dismal, and “quick as a wink”, I was ready to go. 

I was getting packed to head back to the Voice office and type up my story, but hey, I found the coolest video game at the airport! That is until some “supposed” maintenance worker told me to get off (!) the airline computer controls.

“That’s highly sensitive equipment you’re messin’ around with there, boy!” the man snarled. “Okay Okay, sorry! Sheeesh!” I really thought it was a cool video game. Oops! But I really hope I didn’t mess up the flight scheduler or something.

  

There really is some lax security around here, maybe I should say “lag” security.

Anyways, I do recommend that you visit this coolest of cities in There as soon as possible. It isn’t very far from the north shore of central New Kansas. But finding it by hoverboat, is a lot more fun than simply teleporting. But, do what you must. And - you know what? For me at least, the place actually had no lag at all.

 

“Wish you Were Here”, (from Lagoland)

Archie