Dear Bluenose,
 

What's up with all the rudeness on Zona Island?  I saw someone saying all sorts of mean things to a newbie the other day, to include insults about her mother, her alleged promiscuity, her race and religion, her name, the way she was dressed like a newbie, the way she erratically maneuvered her avatar, her lack of voicechat, the fact that he had money and she didn't, and a few swear words thrown in for good measure.  Should I have stepped in, and if so, what should I have done?

 

Signed,
Sad For Newbies

 

Dear Sad For Newbies, 

I always say that it is best to fight fire with fire, even though most firefighters would not agree.  Whenever you see someone bullying around another person or being rude to them, there are only two clear solutions.  One is to challenge them to eat a Hot Pocket straight out of the microwave, because that'll teach them.  If they don't have any Hot Pockets, the other is to get all up in their face and start swearing and cursing them out right back at them.  Of course, they will escalate the situation, allowing the newbie ample time to escape.  In the end, one or both of you will most likely be banned -- but either way, you won't ever have to deal with that person being rude to newbies ever again.  Oh, and if you get banned, RavenTresses would like to have your stuff, please.

 

Awesomely Yours,
Rick_Slick

 

 

 

Dear Rick,

 Help!  I'm addicted to internet shopping!

 

Signed,
I'm Broke

 

Dear I'm Broke, 

Me too... I just bought 5 internets the other day!  And thanks to special offers I get in e-mail, I also have all the Viagra, mortgages, and insider stock tips I'll ever need.  I don't know what to tell you, buddy.  All I know is that I hope all that money I sent to those people in Nigeria help them transfer their millions of recovered dollars back to me!  In the interim, you may find that making the selection to complete transactions in Spanish on the ATM makes your account balance seem more impressive when it's displayed in pesos.

 

Awesomely in Debt,
Rick_Slick

 

 

 

Dear Blue Nose, 

Do you ever wonder why avatars never have to use the bathroom?  I'm always wondering that, even though I should be spending that time trying to get a job or something more productive like that.  What do you think?

 

Signed,
Just Wondering

 

Dear Just Wondering, 

Actually, in the early Alpha days of There, the avatars did in fact have to use the bathroom every once in a while, kind of like in The Sims.  Unfortunately, this did not end up being the most well-thought out idea, for several reasons:

 

1.  Most people did not pay attention to the bladder/bowel meter, creating embarrassing and disgusting moments during social events.

 

2.  There was no way to clean up any accidents, causing people to have to spend tons of money replacing pants and shorts.

 

3.  Griefers went way too far with this feature.  Especially RavenTresses.  That is why I no longer own a house in There.

 

Luckily, the need for avatars to use the bathroom was removed in Beta.  The avatar excrement that was left all over the place was piled up in the middle of the sea, and is now known as Comet Island.  Now stop thinking about why your avie can't drop his kids off at the pool and get a job!

 

Defecatingly Awesome,
Rick_Slick

 

 

 

If you have a question of some sort and it's not interesting enough for a real advice columnist to publish and answer, please feel free to e-mail Rick_Slick at rick@therevoice.com.  The Voice will not be held liable for any negative consequences rendered as a result of actually heeding Rick's advice, to include illness, theft, destruction of property, flooding, arrest, loss of reproductive organs, rioting, or certain types of rashes.