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More than words – The Voice of There |
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More than words – The Voice of There |
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by Rick_Slick Dear
Rick, How can I become as awesome as you? And if I accidentally get a
booger on my finger in public, should I wipe it on my pants or flick it
on someone’s head? Thanks, Dear Evan, It takes many years of focused training to become as awesome as I am.
First, at a very young age, I studied at the Awesome Academy at an
ancient Shaolin temple in China. Then, after I reached adulthood, I
attended the California Institute for Awesomeness where I majored in
Looking Cool, and minored in Being Smooth With the Ladies. Later, I
volunteered for military service, where I specialized in Tactical Wit &
Charm and served during Operation: Awesome Eagle. Now, you can find me
in There, practicing the fine arts of Shameless Self-Promotion and
Stroking One's Own Ego. As for the booger thing, RavenTresses says wiping it on your pants or
flicking it on someone's head is the mark of an amateur. I agree with
her that a true challenge would be to wipe it under Mackie's seat during
a taping of "Crazy Talk" while remaining unnoticed in front of a full
audience. With Great Awesomity, Dear Blue Nose, Why haven't more people realized that the latte skin color is the
best? Why are so many still caramel? Signed, Dear Another Luscious Latte, One misconception currently making the rounds in There is that so
many people are caramel-colored because it's the most popular skin-tone
for making clothing. This might mislead one to believe that the reason
why there's so much clothing around for caramel skin is because most of
the major clothing designers are in fact caramel-skinned themselves.
This would incorrectly imply that caramels are more talented, artistic,
and successful than latte people. I believe the true reason why there are so many caramel-skinned
avatars is because RavenTresses is caramel-skinned, so it's no surprise
that 90% of the population of There wants to be like her. I wouldn't worry too much about the caramels, though. Clearly they
spend way more time out in the sun than us latte people, so they will
perish from skin cancer much more quickly, leaving legions of
latte-colored avatars to take over when they are gone. With Awesome Regards, Hi Rick, I have a problem and I know you are the only person that can help. I
am writing this anona annnono annonymo....uh...without telling you who I
am. Here's my problem... I am extremely popular and pretty. I know that
because everyone tells me so. Strangers come up to me in the middle of
Karuna Plaza and ask for my autograph, say things like "aren't you THE
RavenTresses???", and in general just worship the ground I walk on. This
sounds like it would be awesome, but the crowds of people become nearly
impossible to wade through. To avoid a mob, should I wear a disguise of
some sort while perusing through Karuna Plaza and other places people go
to draw attention to themselves? And if I did so, would people still
give me free stuff just for being me?? I know you of all people would
understand because you are so awesome, too. Signed, Dear RavenTresses, You are indeed extremely popular, pretty, and you forgot to mention
modest as well. I frequently find myself in the same situation, except
for the "pretty" part because that doesn't seem too masculine. When I
have difficulty wading through the endless masses of my admirers, that's
when it's time to get out the ol' buggy, hop in, and just plow right
through the crowd to get to wherever I want to go. Sometimes I really
don't even have an actual destination, I just like seeing people bounce
off the front of my buggy. I don't think a disguise would help you much. Sometimes, when I don't
want attention from other people (which, I'll admit, is like NEVER...
who wouldn't want non-stop attention?? That'd be stupid!) I take off my
blue nose so no one will recognize me, except no one is ever fooled. I
think it has something to do with the fact that our nametags float above
us. But remember, if it weren't for awesome people like you and I, all
the mediocre people would have nothing to strive for! So keep strutting
your stuff and openly accepting all of those free gifts! Awesomely Yours, If you have a question of some sort and it's not interesting enough
for a real advice columnist to publish and answer, please feel free to
e-mail Rick_Slick at
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The Voice of There is not owned, operated or affiliated with There, Inc. All rights reserved. All graphics, logos, articles are the property of The Voice and it's staff. |
