BLUE NOSE FASHION CHALLENGE

For People Who Can't Design Good

By Rick_Slick

It is no secret that the There Fashion Challenge has probably received world-wide media attention.  Crowds of Europeans, watching the recent World Cup with general malaise and indifference, got sick of seeing cups or whatever that show was all about, and instead became glued to their computers, anxiously refreshing the There Fashion Challenge website on their browsers.  Entire third-world countries stopped their usual practices of war-mongering and genocide, waiting with bated breath last week to see which design would forever after represent the new look of Aral.  Under the spotlight of the renowned contest, Mackena Technologies CEO Michael Wilson has travelled to New York City, participating in various interviews and demonstrations of There with the most prominent media outlets (we're still waiting for you to show off Mission: Slightly Difficult, MW!) 

Of course, I couldn't let all of this attention and whatnot pass me by without at least attempting to harness it for my own shameless self-promotion.  How could I call myself awesome without parodying what could be the largest, most significant event in There's history aside from that time when I signed up for membership?  The "Blue Nose Fashion Challenge for People Who Can't Design Good" was issued to the members of Mackena/There staff with the help of recently returning Community Manager Alex.  Without her help in coordinating the laughable and uninspired design efforts of the employees at Mackena, this article would have probably just been some lame "The Blue Nose Knows" advice column this week, easily outdone and overshadowed by "Parker's Point".  Now, on to the challenge... 

THE DESIGN CHALLENGE

The There staff was challenged (literally and figuratively) to create a basic shirt using Stylemaker and a paint program of their choice.  They had precisely one hour to complete the challenge from the time they opened Stylemaker to the time they submitted their final design, to include any time needed to learn how to use Stylemaker, how to use a paint program, how to turn their computer on, where TheChaz hid their mouse ball, or for that matter, how to "master the Internets" and send files back to me.  In order to compensate for the lack of the contestants' design experience and/or fashion sense, no other rules or regulations were made. 

THE PRESENTS

Winners of this challenge will receive the following real-life presents.  They were supposed to be prizes as indicated in the pictures below, but RavenTresses keeps referring to them as presents, so I'll just give in to her demands as usual because she's pretty.  Let it be known that I had an operating budget of approximately $0, so when the presents are awarded, you need to remember that it's the thought that counts.  

	Little Adhesive "I'm Awesome" Signs.  Nothing says you're awesome like little yellow removable paper signs that say it for you.  These beautiful, decorative signs are handcrafted by yours truly, and can be used to stick onto your clothing to show to the world that you are awesome.  The signs come in a pack of ten, and feature the English language.
	A Miniature Bag of Seeds of Some Sort.  The second-place designer will receive a small plastic Zip-Loc bag full of sunflower seed kernels.  The seeds can be eaten, or probably stuck into the dirt and watered to grow a sunflower seed plant or whatever they turn into when you plant them.  The small plastic Zip-Loc bag doubles as a convenient and stylish iPod Nano protective case, in case the winner happens to own one of those.
	A Handful of Unused Cotton Swabs.  These attractive, versatile white sticks feature comfortable cotton fuzzy stuff at each end, which make them excellent tools for cleaning out your ears or nose.  Receipt of this prize releases The Voice of There, and especially Rick_Slick, from any and all liability for damages incurred by inserting one of these cotton swabs too far into any bodily orifice (yours or otherwise).

 

THE ENTRIES

Now that the prizes have been announced, let's move on to the five entries I received.  I'm sure many more staff members tried to enter the challenge, but you know how flaky ThereMail can be, so I'll probably get their entries sometime in the next two weeks after its too late.  Remember, these are actual entries of designs created by members of There staff within a timespan of one hour.  The resulting shirts you are fixin' to see can only be described using such phrases as "horribly ugly", "remarkably gaudy", "someone gouge my eyes out please", "ultra tacky", "I wouldn't tap that", "Who the [CENSORED] makes clothing out of their own skin?!", and "embarrassment to the entire developer community".  For each entry, the designer has been requested to talk a little bit about their inspiration for the design (hard liquor, I'm assuming...) and the process they chose: 

Vash_Community writes:  When asked to do this design, I thought to myself... "What a perfect way to instill the fear of me into the hearts of those who oppose my beloved Vashists."  I set to work immediately, embroidering my name into every inch of my design.  Then using well-placed subliminal messaging, and the symbolic visage of my eyes staring into the souls of the disbelievers, I arranged it in a way that no one could escape my gaze.  I feel my design says "Join me or perish" in such a subtle way that the average newbie will be converted into a Vashist before he or she even realizes it.  hehehe ... hahahahahahahahah..... mwahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Alex writes:  This was what I did privately for last week’s Aral makeover challenge, although I didn’t share it publicly with any of the contestants.  They are under enough pressure and I didn’t want to shake their confidence by flaunting my overwhelming natural design talent.  You will no doubt be surprised to learn that this was my first experience using Stylemaker.  Can you believe how great it looks?  Anyhoo, I decided to use a “feel the Force” approach when I sat down to learn the program.  Luke Skywalker first explored his connection to the Force by wearing blinders while using a lightsaber, so I decided to go the same route when firing up Stylemaker for the first time.  Closing my eyes, I picked up a bunch of Aral heads - then I stretched out with my feelings and let loose, trusting that the Force would guide them to exactly the right spots on the garment.  I was amazed with the results.  With that part finished, I added Aral’s name to the front of the shirt.  Notice the fine detailing where I spraypainted the first three letters in block capitals, but then for the “L”, I switched styles and put it on the left breast in an homage to Laverne DeFazio.

 

Kirzten writes:  Nothing gives me a warm feeling more than knowing that I have brightened someone else's day.  I find that bright colors cheer me up a lot more than some puny pastels.  For this challenge, I wanted something that was vibrant and full of life.  With this vest of warm sunrise colors you can be a ray of sunshine in everyone's life.

 

 

Mackie writes:  First I would like to say thank you to Rick_Slick for the wonderful opportunity to participate in such a fun event.  I have avoided the developer section of our world now for too long.  It took the proper nudging and the thrill to compete with my coworkers to get with the program!  My submission is perfectly polka-dotted.  My avatar has been freckle-free now for three and a half years, and dangit, if these technical geniuses can’t make me dotted, then by golly I will take it into my own hands... literally.  I started out my spotty style with a picture of the back of my hand. I am indeed a spectacled species, and I wanted my avatar to share the spots.  I copied and pasted the pointillism file a few times and ‘voila!  Sure, it’s a little creepy to be wearing my skin as clothes -- I am well aware of that -- but at least I didn’t have to hurt myself to do it.

 

PixelVixen was unable to write anything regarding her design for the challenge, as she spent nearly the entire hour trying to find out who stole the ball out of her mouse, then attempted to finish up her design before time ran out. 

 

HOW TO VOTE

So there you have it... five beginning designers, five fantastic examples of a total lack of fashion sense and graphic capability.  Now, to vote for the designs, I need help from all of you.  Please send an e-mail to rick@therevoice.com with the subject header "BFC Vote" (BFC stands for Blue Nose Fashion Challenge, not Big [CENSORED] [CENSORED] like some of you perverts probably thought at first) and in the body of your e-mail, list all five designers in the order of best to worst design.  You may only vote once.  The design you like the best should be at the top, the design you like the least should be at the bottom.  That is, in a list denoting the order of design preference, a design you like more should be placed higher on the list than a design you like less.  In other words, if you were to read off the list of the five designers you created from top to bottom, the one you read first would be your favorite design, and the one you read next would be your second most favorite design, and so on throughout the "preference spectrum", as it were.  The voting will end at 11:59 PM EST on July 28th, 2006.  The winners will be announced on Monday, July 31st, 2006 in the next "Blue Nose Files" article.  Good luck to all of our amateur designers, and to my billions of readers -- start voting now!

 

MORE SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

Meanwhile, all of the excitement from the There Fashion Challenge has caused me to come out of design retirement and try a few new things with my amazing Photoshop Jedi powers.  It was only a matter of time, but I came out with a "I'm Awesome Just Like Rick Slick" shirt for men (I'll be working on the female version soon, ladies...) and also, RavenTresses is modelling my greatest design ever, a pair of realistically-textured legs with a black skirt!

 

 

The Rick Slick shirt auction can be found at the following link: http://auctions.prod.there.com/items/view?ItemId=5379361

 

The skirt with the real-looking legs (for caramel skintone) can be found at the following link: http://auctions.prod.there.com/items/view?ItemId=5382758

 

 

I'll be releasing all sorts of new skirts and fishnet stockings with my textured legs, please look for them in auctions soon!  I swear this is not a joke like that 'cookie and 'bluenose emote gag I pulled last time!