More than words – The Voice of There

I decided to give Rick his own column since he does have a unique way of expressing himself. Also it saves me the time of putting disclaimers on each and every article he does. ;) So for some comic relief, we present to you The Blue Nose Files

PAST RAMBLINGS

Interview with God

An Awesome Group
Space Drama
Apology to State of Kansas

EXCLUSIVE REPORT ON THE STATE OF THERE ADDRESS

by Rick_Slick

This week, our favorite half-wit writer Rick_Slick repeatedly bugged Geea about when she was going to allow him to develop his "journalistic skills" and trust him with a major assignment. It became obvious that he wouldn't leave her alone about it, so eventually she gave in and sent Rick on a special assignment to provide a very exclusive first report on the State of There address. What he discovered was shocking and disappointing...

This is a very exciting week for me as a staff writer for The Voice. Not only because I haven't yet been fired for the usual drivel I turn in for articles, but it turns out that they foolishly entrusted me with a special assignment! My task is to provide the There community a first report on the annual State of There address this Tuesday, given by some guy named Steve about what's going on in There and whatnot. I wasn't really certain about what all he was going to discuss or even about what's going on pretty much in general, but I did know that a bunch of people are going to be there and want to hear what he has to say. Therefore, it seemed very important to Geea that I gave a thorough and completely impartial report on what was presented so that those of you who weren't cool enough to get invited to the address can stay abreast of community-related topics.

When I arrived at the auditorium where the address was to be given, I was completely surprised that no one had even bothered to show up! I checked the time on my Rainbow Brite alarm clock radio right quick and adjusted for the time zone change from Eastern time to whatever non-important time zone There is based in, just in case I had been mistaken about the time, but I was about 5 minutes early. Still, I figured at least a few people would show up and save their seats while they were still available. Or shouldn't Steve have been here to greet the guests or to at least go over his speech?

Fifteen minutes later, I was still the only one who had shown any interest in attending the address! I was very disappointed to see such a lack of regard and enthusiasm by not only my fellow Therians, but from this negligent Steve chap who was now late to his own scheduled speech! This reminded me exactly of all those last-minute "birthday parties" my parents used to throw for me back when we could tell when my father had gotten a raise because the heat was on in the house. None of my friends ever showed up and I received presents from my parents that looked strangely like toys I had recently misplaced. The day would end with me crying with my face full of cake because no one cared about my birthday, but I really liked cake. Well, this is almost exactly how I felt standing in this empty auditorium! Except with less cake and more self-esteem.

I spent some time going over my list of questions I had intended to ask Steve:

1) Steve, there have been numerous sightings of alien beings around the virtual world of There. Do you believe there may be an impending alien invasion, and if so, what can we do to protect ourselves, and how do your analysts feel it will impact the bottom line?

2) Steve, how many people do you have on ignore in-game, and what are their avatar names?

3) Steve, do you like Steven Seagal movies?

4) Steve, what are your strengths and weaknesses? What is your action plan to develop your weaknesses into strengths? Where do you see yourself five years from now?

5) Steve, wouldn't it be cool if you made There to work with virtual reality goggles and that Nintendo Power Glove thing to further immerse the user into the experience?

6) Steve, have you ever participated in naughty IMs, and if so, who with?

After waiting four hours for people to filter in and this Steve guy to show up and start his speech, I finally decided that all y'all aren't even interested. Maybe next year, they should hand out free Therebux or free kisses from MichelleC or something to get people to attend. In summary, no one seems to care about the state of There, and I just missed out on four hours I could have spent telling RavenTresses how pretty she is. So folks, while you're looking at all the other news sites, remember that The Voice of There brought you the very first report from the State of There address. This is Rick_Slick, reporting. Good night.

(Ed. Note: We eventually broke it to Rick that the reason no one showed up is because the State of There address is NEXT Tuesday, March 1st. He immediately asked why they were having a second address if no one showed up for the first, so we just kinda gave up after that. -Geea)