More than words – The Voice of There

I decided to give Rick his own column since he does have a unique way of expressing himself. Also it saves me the time of putting disclaimers on each and every article he does. ;) So for some comic relief, we present to you The Blue Nose Files

PAST RAMBLINGS

Interview with God

An Awesome Group
Space Drama
Apology to State of Kansas

Exclusive Report on The State of There Address
Exclusive Second Report on the State of There Address
Blue Noses Go To Vegas

LUCASFILM PURCHASES FORTERRA SYSTEMS

by Rick_Slick

George Lucas was unavailable for comment, as he was apparently busy "rolling around naked all over mountains of his own cash while laughing hysterically", but a spokesperson for Lucasfilm said that by substituting most of the scenes in the movie with footage shot inside the There platform, the production crew hoped to save over $500 million in special effects, props, and casting. Groundbreaking for its time when the first movie in the series was released in 1977, the Star Wars films traditionally raise the bar for special effects with each new episode in the series. When asked if they thought the fans would be able to tell the difference if most of the film was captured with DIVX compression in There at 320x200 resolution, the public relations manager for the production stated "It'll pretty much look like garbage, but at this point, we know every Star Wars fan will shell out their hard-earned nerd money to go see it anyway." And they're probably right.

"Revenge of the Sith" takes place three years after the Clone Wars, and involves a bunch of Jedi wielding phallic light sabers around and whatnot, while Anakin Skywalker turns into Darth Vader and starts choking people with his new-found mastery of the Dark Side of the Force. You know, the usual things you see at a typical Star Wars convention. Scenes from Tattooine will be shot in Dune Valley, and the Imperial capital of Coruscant will be recreated with dozens of PAZes in Tyr. CarCus of CarCus Creations has been commissioned to attempt building a one-drop Death Star, but has been unable to fit it in a 200x200 PAZ. "We are most displeased with his apparent lack of progress," said voice actor James Earl Jones. CarCus committed to doubling his efforts.

With the vast resources of a major film production company at their fingertips, the team at There was very excited about this new opportunity. Alex_Community and Vash_Community both received bit parts as two of the evil "stormtroopers", Imperial soldiers best known for their lousy aim and their white armor. They were reluctant to give too much of the story away, but in their scene, they are trampled by a huge AT-AT combat vehicle while standing around AFK. The CGI experts at Industrial Light & Magic will spend the next several weeks trying to get their Imperial Star Destroyer and TIE Fighter models down to enough polygons to get their developer submissions past Sonblock so that filming can begin. Other There team members are busy adding new social emotes such as 'lightsaber, 'forcechoke, 'wavehand, and several new dance emotes like 'iamyourfather, 'usetheforce, and 'ewok. There are several concerns being discussed by the MAB regarding the griefer potential of the 'forcechoke emote, but a proponent of this emote used 'wavehand during a MAB meeting and calmly said "There are no issues with any of the emotes." That statement was then repeated in unison by the members of the MAB, and no further discussion has taken place. Steve Victorino was very pleased with the progress on this new venture. His excitement was indicated by his heavy breathing as he said, "The circle is now complete. When I met you I was but the learner. Now, *I* am the master."

Lucasfilm reportedly outbid other potential buyers of Forterra Systems by a slight margin. These other buyers included Bill Gates, who wanted to turn There into a nightmarishly bloated operating system called Microsoft Windows 3D, and Wilfred M. Pokemon (aka the inventor of Pokemon), who generally just wanted to annoy everyone on the planet as much as possible during his lifetime.